written by A. E. Stover
this version is self-edited
SAIYUKI [T] [Gojyo; Goku; Sanzo; Hakkai] [Humor] [Short Story]
You would think that two grown men would be more than enough to carry out a task as simple as gathering firewood. But everyone knows things for the Sanzo-ikkou never go smoothly. Even with something as simple as gathering wood for their fire.
You would think that two grown men would be more than enough to carry out a task as simple as gathering firewood.
“Oh, wow! Look at all the fruit on the trees, Gojyo!”
“…They look like blue peaches.”
“They look awesome! Let’s try some right now!”
But everyone knows things for the Sanzo-ikkou never go smoothly.
“Hey, Gojyo! I bet I can eat more than you.”
“Heh. You’re on, monkey! Just don’t cry when you lose.”
“Okay! Ready, set, GO!”
Even with something as simple as gathering wood for their fire.
The fruit he and Goku had tried was the juiciest he’d had in a long time. So naturally, he didn’t think twice about engaging himself in some good old healthy competition. The worst that’d come out of it was what, a stomachache? Pfft. He could handle a little indigestion.
He was on what he thought was his thirteenth fruit when Goku startled him with a sudden shout.
“Gojyo! Your face!”
Clicking his tongue in annoyance, Gojyo took a bite out of the plump, blue fruit. “What?” he responded lazily. “Can’t take it that my face is more handsome than yours, monkey boy? Don’t worry, you’re still growing up. I’m sure you’ll look more like a man and less like a girl by the time you finally hit twenty.”
Goku’s face scrunched up. “No, asshole!” Goku scowled. “Your face! It’s—” he waved his hands in front of his own. “It’s blue!” he finished in alarm.
Gojyo stopped mid-chew and blinked. And he slowly turned to look at Goku with an incredulous look. It was wiped out the moment he saw Goku’s face; the brunet’s tanned cheeks were now a bright blue, and the color seemed to be creeping more and more over the young man’s face.
“Well, whaddya know…? So’s yours,” was the only thing he could say.
“…!”Goku patted his face down, as if he were able to tell what color his skin was by feeling it.
There was a moment in which they both stared at one another, watching the blue quickly sweep over their faces and start seeping down to the rest of their bodies. The moment the color disappeared into their shirt collar, they realized that they should probably get some help.
From the clearing a good distance away, Sanzo cracked an eye open.
“Hakkai,” he called to the man who was looking through a small pamphlet as he waited for Gojyo and Goku to come back with firewood. “Did you hear something?”
“Um… I don’t think so. Maybe?” he answered absently. Hakkai’s eyes busily roved over the words written inside the little pamphlet. Then he came to something that caught his interest. “Ah…”
Sanzo glanced at him from the side.
“This is interesting,” Hakkai murmured, raising the small booklet up to his face. “Apparently, there are some fruit here that we should avoid eating. There’s one called Blue Moon that turns the skin blue and has hallucinogenic properties.” He turned the booklet over to Sanzo to show him.
Sanzo looked at it seriously, as if imprinting the image of the fruit into his memory. “…It looks like a blue peach.”
“Haha, doesn’t it?” Hakkai agreed merrily. After another laugh, Hakkai’s humor dwindled down to a simple smile and he continued where he left off. “When consumed in large quantities, the fruit can cause permanent damage to the brain.”
“Hn. How stupid,” Sanzo grumbled, handing the pamphlet back. “They should just burn the trees then, instead of writing it in some brochure from a town in the middle of nowhere.”
“In any case, we should tell Goku about it soon,” Hakkai said matter-of-factly. “If we don’t, we might very well be in trouble. He’s quite the enthusiastic eater, after all.”
Hakkai folded the pamphlet back and carefully placed it in his pocket.
Sanzo smoked quietly.
Hakkai smiled and stood patiently beside him.
Sanzo smoked, staring straight ahead at the forest in front of him.
The forest with the stupid blue peaches that caused brain damage.
The forest with the stupid blue peaches that caused brain damage, where Gojyo and Goku had gone into to get firewood.
Gojyo and Goku had gone into the forest with the stupid blue peaches that caused brain damage to get firewood.
Gojyo and Goku had gone into the forest with the stupid blue peaches that caused stupid brain damage.
A shit-for-brains kappa and a brainless, human garbage disposal were in the stupid fucking forest with the stupid fucking blue peaches that caused stupid fucking brain damage.
Sanzo and Hakkai ran straight into said forest.
“I hope they haven’t eaten enough for anything serious to happen to them,” Hakkai worriedly voiced.
“Don’t waste your time worrying, Hakkai. It’s not like they have much of anything inside those ugly heads of theirs.”
“Perhaps we should get a leash for them next time…?”
“A waste of money,” Sanzo disagreed.
Sanzo grit his teeth.
“Those two idiots would just chew their way to freedom.”