written by A. E. Stover
this version is not edited

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NARUTO [CANON AU] [K] [Sakura; Sasuke; Naruto] [Humor; Romance] [Short Story]
Sometime in the middle of the night, the wet trumpeting sound of flatulence ripped through the silent cabin. 

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Sometime in the middle of the night, the wet trumpeting sound of flatulence ripped through the silent cabin.

The response was immediate.

“Augh… What is that smell?”

“…? What sme— Aw, what the—”

Green and black sleeping bags rustled noisily as the adjacent orange one stilled. It was not gone unnoticed.

A green sleeping bag rustled some more before a zipper was torn down and a woman with bright hair emerged with an accusing cry of; “Naruto!”

“Sorry,” was the muffled squeak that came through the thick fabric of the orange sleeping bag.

Grumbling, the woman only closed the zipper of her makeshift bed of nylon fabric and down feathers and fell into a light slumber.

Minutes later, someone’s stomach gurgled noisily.

Sakura’s voice was sharp. “If you stink up this room like you did on last month’s mission and ruin my sleep, I will slaughter you.”

“But I’m gassy from—”

“—eating the canned food you found in the cabin shelves that I specifically told you not to eat. Yes. I know. So either center your chakra to your digestive tract and get it under control or sleep outside.”

“But—”

“Pick and choose one!” the woman screamed unexpectedly, suddenly sitting up while still zipped in her sleeping bag.

There was a pregnant pause that filled the room that was accompanied by much glaring on Sakura’s part and dumbfounded staring on that of Naruto’s. The third member of the team, who had merely tucked his sleeping bag tighter around his face to filter out any future smells felt the air hum with barely contained anticipation at the silent exchange going on between his two teammates, and the hairs on the back of his neck rose accordingly.

Sasuke wasn’t surprised to hear Naruto’s voice break the silence with his stupidity.

“Are you on your period?” he asked.

Sasuke heard a frustrated snarl and a surprised yelp. He ignored Naruto’s muffled cries of help and the rest of the noises that came from the brief scuffle between the violent woman and the idiot blond. The door opened suddenly and something heavy — a body? — was thrown out. Then the door slammed shut and soon the room was mercifully silent, save for the soft padding of bare feet on a wooden floor.

Sasuke didn’t like that the sound of feet — Sakura’s feet, no doubt — were getting closer and closer than they should be.

His sleeping bag was unzipped and ripped open before he could open his eyes and stop her. The cool night air hit his bare chest, and he was conflicted between feeling mortified and annoyed.

His feelings leaned more toward mortification when she began violating his personal space by crawling inside his sleeping bag.

“Sakura.”

The zipper closed and Sakura let out a contented sigh. He’d been sleeping on his side, and just so happened to be facing the door that night and was now pressed flushed against the backside of a violent and hormonal woman.

“Sakura,” he tried again just as she pulled his arm out to rest her head on.

“What.”

“Where’s your sleeping bag?”

“I used it to tie Naruto down.”

“…You can’t sleep here with me.”

“Just watch me.”

“…”

Sasuke lay still, uncertain with how to proceed. There were some benefits to having her with him — the warmth that escaped when she opened his sleeping back was quickly returning; she was providing an ample heat source that he knew would be missed if he made her sleep on the floor. There was also the notion of not being elbowed in the ribs — in her current position, the move was easy to do — and not being kicked in the face — that had happened “accidentally” years ago, on one of their older missions when they were in their late teens.

“Sakura-chan…?” Naruto’s meek voice filtered faintly through the closed door. “Are you asleep?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t feel my arms… Or my legs.”

“I’m sleeping, Naruto.”

“But I’m—”

The same hum in the air was back, and Sasuke felt a sudden spark of chakra rise from the violent woman lying with him. Before she did anything, Sasuke gently moved his hand around to her stomach and called out; “She’s asleep.”

“…Oh.” Naruto sounded defeated. “Then… Can you help untie me, Sasuke?”

Sasuke felt the woman relax into him, the exhaustion from their mission finally taking over her body as the stress that came with her role of having to have played the bait for a prostitution ring emptying out in one long sigh. He felt her hand touch his, and her breathing began to even out.

The tempest had calmed.

“Sasuke?”

“Good night, Naruto.”

“…Night.”

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